I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
