I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
