I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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