i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
