you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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