I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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