I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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