I wannas sexs uuuuu
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
