Someone shit on the floor
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am one with the molecules
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
