apparently the secret to your success is patron
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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