Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
