I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
