i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I will pee on everything he values.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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