Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
