youre lurking in front of me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
