I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
