i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
