dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
