also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
