Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
