Me too!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
