hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
