I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
