so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
