Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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