did you get engaged???
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
