Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
