do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
