Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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