Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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