Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
