well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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