my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
