her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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