My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
