I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well you can't waste a boner
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
