So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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