the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
