I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
