I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
