im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he puts the penis in happiness.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
