Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
