i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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