Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
