i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
