I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
