Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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