Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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