That's intense
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
