my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
